I have a load of classwork to do and to finish by the middle of next week. Some is pretty standard but some is making go deep within. I like going deep within myself but I'm not comfortable with sharing my innermost thoughts. That's like coming out of my comfortable place to become uncomfortable. Who wants discomfort? I have not done that in a while. I like to journal my thoughts and prayers and close the book when I'm done. I don't even go back to reread what I have written myself. I think I fear my own thoughts. Does that make any sense? I have this thing about being perfect. It's never gonna happen. Perfection doesn't exist, not in me. I am so far removed from that perspective. I strive for it though. And every task is so very daunting.
It's very close to the end of the semester. The closer that I get to the end, the work is more challenging. It's all good! I'm learning new things and that's the point of it all.
Trusting myself has been a challenge. Why is that? I think it has a little to do with that perfectionism. It causes me to procrastinate, doubt, and eat. There's a war going on inside of me. Me against me. I'll let you know when this fight is finished. But for right now I'm Trusting myself with what's here. I believe in myself and I know I'll finish. I never quit! I'm a warrior.
Comments